I don't know. I'm just feeling a little frustrated and discouraged with my writing lately. I love the story and characters and I want to keep going with it, but there's this voice in the back of my mind getting louder and louder that wonders if this story is stupid and I'm never going to be good enough to write it well and so on. And then I know writers who are just freaking brilliant and can turn out nearly-perfect drafts the first time and it's just...frustrating, I guess. Why can't I do that? I know every writer feels like that at some point and I know I shouldn't compare myself to other writers because everyone does things at their own pace and everyone has different strengths or whatever. But it's still just irritating sometimes. I feel like I take three steps forward and two and a half steps back, and while that's still making progress, it's minimal and it isn't happening as fast as I'd like it to. Of course it doesn't help that I have to work and go to school and be a mom on top of trying to write. I'm seriously thinking of taking my vacation days at work during spring break in March and just using that time to write. It would probably make me feel a little better about the lack of time and progress.
Anyways, enough writer-angst. School has been going ok so far. I'm a little irritated with my art history class online. I've taken a few online classes now and this one is seriously so freaking disorganized I don't know how anyone manages to keep track of it. I've been doing ok so far but it always takes me a ridiculous amount of time to do my homework just because I have to spend so much time going through multiple sections and folders and files on blackboard to even start on one thing. Statistics is going ok so far, I guess. It's hard, but I'm not under so much pressure to get an A anymore because I can't qualify for the Dean's scholarship at USU anyways. The deadline was yesterday, and they base it off your GPA at the time of the application. You have to have a 3.8 and I have a 3.77. So close. Oh well, maybe next year. Honestly, I'll be happy to end up with a C in statistics, at this point.
Speaking of USU, my husband and I took a little trip down to Logan, Utah on Thursday to look at housing and stuff. I really like Logan. It seems to have grown a lot recently and there's a lot of nice, new buildings. It's a decent sized city, but not huge, so that's nice. There's a lot to do. And we were super excited to find a Hastings there. There's one in Twin Falls, and I had always thought they were just a local business or something, so I was surprised to see one there. Does anyone else have a Hastings or have you ever been to one? Basically, it's paradise. They have books and CDs and movies and manga/anime and TONS of nerdy things. Every time we go in, I just want to stay there for a few hours and look at everything. Of course, we had to stop, and I ended up walking out with the first Fullmetal Alchemist manga (three volumes in one). I'm super excited about that. I've been wanting to read it forever. It's been in my cart on Amazon at least a dozen times but I always just delete it. And yes, I know I've watched the original anime like three times and Brotherhood twice, but the story and characters are just that good that I really want to read the manga too. And probably draw some fanart, whenever I have time for that.
I also bought a bunch of new books a few weeks ago. I finally bought Nexus by theant4 and Vertigo by GSJennsen, both of which are the second books in very good indie sci-fi series. I'm about 1/3 into Vertigo and liking it much better than the first book. The first book was good, but I feel like the pacing of this one is a lot better and some of the characters are better developed and easier to keep track of. I'm also got 1984 by George Orwell, which has been on my to-read list for years. It's actually really good--better than I expected. I'm about 75% into that one. And then I got American Gods by Neil Gaiman, which I am super excited about because I've never read any of his books but have always heard that he's an excellent writer. And finally, I got this book called Kindred by Octavia E. Butler, which looks really interesting. Lots of reading. I have been making an effort to read more lately because I kind of stopped doing that for a few years (no time), and I know that reading is really important to becoming a better writer. I can see a difference, I think. I feel like it's helping, and of course books are just awesome so it's fun to read them anyways. I usually only get to read at work if my resident is sleeping (so usually when I work nights), so I'm kind of slow, but that's ok. It's fun.
I guess now I should go work on sorting out all these major plot issues in my story. Oh, and do homework. Yay, homework.