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I don't know what happened but I am already halfway through the semester at school.  I didn't even realize it until I was looking at my syllabus for sociology trying to figure out when my paper was due and saw that the discussion on race (which we did yesterday) was labeled "week 8" and there are only 16 weeks in the semester.  I guess it just still feels so surreal to me that I'm even in school in the first place.  I know it's been months, but it still just feels like kind of a miracle.  Finishing school is something that's always been a huge priority in my life so now that I am able to do it after all these years--I'm just really grateful for the support system I have so that I can go to school, especially for my husband for working his butt off at two different jobs to support me and the girls.

I'm glad to know I'm on the downward slope though.  I have been getting super stressed out lately about all the stuff I have to do and my biology class is frustrating me more and more.  We've been learning about cells and DNA for four weeks now and it's so complicated and I hate it.  I mean, we get to do fun stuff too (we dissected worms last week) and it helps that the professor is pretty cool and his lectures aren't terribly boring.  But science has never really been my thing and I'm just sick of it.  I have another test in two weeks and I did really well on my first one but all the stuff we've been going over for this coming test is just so complicated and I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Plus I have papers due in English and sociology that same week, and two other tests. I hate that all the big projects/tests/papers all seem to be due at the exact same time always, but I guess that's the nature of the beast.  I don't know--I just get stressed out about getting good grades because I need good grades to get scholarships.  The financial burden I'm putting on our little family right now stresses me out SO much.  I end up crying about it just about every other week because I'm a baby like that :roll:  So yeah--it's all basically connected to that in the end, whatever I'm stressing about.  I probably make it into a bigger deal than I need to, but that's just me.  I worry about things a lot.

I haven't had much time to write this week, which is disappointing because when I'm feeling stressed out, writing helps me calm down a little.  Part of that is because of my work schedule.  I went in and talked to my boss about it and she ended up giving me most of my shifts back.  Problem is, they weren't all set up how I need them to be and it ended up being a really weird, screwed-up weekend for me this week.  I had a few evenings, a few nights, and trying to find time to sleep in between that with the girls was impossible.  I honestly can't even remember much of what happened this past weekend because I was so delirious, running on 2-5 hours of sleep every day.  This weekend is going to be more of the same, but after that I should be back to normal.  The boss lady isn't making the November schedules, so hooray!  That was a stupid idea to begin with, but whatever. I just work there.

I finished that Code Name Verity book I bought and it was freaking amazing.  Seriously--if anyone is looking for something to read, read that.  I loved it.  I normally don't like historical fiction but this was really good, and I especially appreciated the strong female characters and the way the relationship between them was portrayed.   And now I am working my way through the Harry Potter books again, which is fun.  I just finished the first one.  I really should finish A Dance With Dragons, but I wanted to read something a little lighter for a change.

And on a somewhat related note, The Walking Dead premiered on Sunday! I didn't get a chance to watch it until Monday night but it was so good!  Can I just take a moment to say how much I love Carol's character?  She's awesome! I mean, yes, I have hated her sometimes.  But as a character, she's great.  The way she's developed and progressed since the beginning of the show is just incredible.  Love her.  The whole reunion between her and Daryl was adorable.  And of course, Rick and Carl and baby Judith.  It was all just so happy and joyful and amazing....which I'm pretty sure means that the rest of the season is going to be awful and depressing, but I guess that's what you get in a zombie apocalypse.  I am a little confused as to what the whole point of Terminus was, though.  Like, they made such a big deal out of it in the last half of season 4, but we were really only there for not even 2 whole episodes, so.... I don't really know what to think of that.  I get that it provided a way for everyone to get back together after the prison thing, but that's just not really good enough for me.  Not when they made such a big deal out of it.  Am I just missing something? I don't know, I guess we'll see.

*sigh* well, I guess I should stop wasting time and go get some homework done.
I know I just wrote a journal and you guys are probably sick of me, but too bad! :P

So I got my schedule for work and I'm a bit pissed off about it. We've been having problems with being short staffed for about a year now.  We have trouble getting people to come and apply and actually stay for various reasons. 1) We only get paid once a month.  I think we are the only healthcare-related facility in this area where employees only get paid once a month.  So think about it: If you have a choice to get paid once a month or twice a month or every two weeks or whatever, which are you going to chose? 2) The residents are not sweet cute little old people.  They're mean and horrible and they will call you names and beat you up.  Some people can't handle that.  They come in, work a few days, and get scared off.  I've seen more than a few experienced aides reduced to tears because of something a resident has said or done to them.  Hell, I've even cried myself once (but that was when I got punched in the face and that seriously hurt). 3) Our reputation sucks. Most of this is, in my opinion, because we have had at least five different sets of Director of Nursing/Administrators in the five years I've been there.  It's probably more--I've stopped bothering to keep track. Each new person comes in with new ideas and new rules and regulations, and that makes it hard to have any sort of consistency.  When you implement a change, it takes time to see results, and if new changes just keep getting implemented every 6-12 months, it's kind of hard to see any real improvement.  It's aggravating.  And yes, I know I should probably quit complaining and just go somewhere else if I hate it so much.  The thing is, I don't hate the job.  I love those residents.  And at the end of the day, if nothing else, I always have a good story to tell or something to laugh about.  I love my coworkers. Most of them are awesome. And the job fits with my schedule, which is really important since I am trying to juggle a ton of stuff right now.

Or at least, it did fit with my schedule until they decided to go and screw it all up. My schedule is set up so that I work on weekends and then have the week off since I have school.  I do an evening and night shift on Fridays, then an evening shift on Sundays. So I get three shifts in two days. Usually I end up with somewhere between 12 and 15 shifts for the month, which isn't a whole lot but at least it's something.  Well, for October they ended up cutting a bunch of my shifts and then putting "available" for some of them, which I assume means that I just wait and see if they call me to come in? I don't know.  If I don't count the available shifts, because those obviously aren't guaranteed, I only have 7 shifts this month. Even if I did work all of the "available" shifts, I'd only have 9 shifts for the month.  She did the same thing to my husband, who does double shifts on weekends there so he can work his other job during the week. Looking over the schedule, she did the same thing to pretty much everyone who works double shifts.  And then there are people on there who's names I don't even recognize (so I am assuming they just got hired and will start work in October) who have full time and who work evening shifts on the weekend when I used to work those shifts.

It aggravates me because I feel like I'm being retaliated against just because I am going to school. I mean, I get that full time employees are probably more valuable to them than part time ones.  BUT! I have worked there full time for 5 years now.  I show up to work on time.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have called in to work in those 5 years, and when I do, I always find someone to cover me.  I work hard, I put my best effort into everything I do, and I take damn good care of those people who live there. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but seriously, I earn my keep.  And this is what I get for it? You're going to freaking cut half my shifts just because you don't like the fact that I'm in school and I wanted a set schedule so I could plan my life outside of work? It's no wonder people are always quitting! If that's how you treat good employees, then good riddance! I can't wait to get out of there!

So anyways....Now I am probably going to have to go talk to my DNS and figure out what the heck is going on. I know one of the other part-time girls who's schedule also got screwed up did go talk to her already, and from what I hear, it did not go well.  I just hate confrontational situations and dealing with authority figures anyways.  I always get super nervous and I forget everything I was going to say and I end up sounding like an idiot.  But I really don't know how else to go about this.  If I just sit here and accept it, they're going to think it's ok and it's not. Ugh, workplace problems suck.

Anyways, on to other things.  theant4 posted this music game thing in her journal that I thought I would steal, so here goes:

You can tell a lot about someone by the music they listen to. 

Hit shuffle on your iPod/Phone/iTunes/media player and write down the first 10 songs.Then pass this onto 10 people.

1. "Pyres of Varanasi" by 30 Seconds to Mars
Of course the first song would be by 30STM.  They're my favorite :)  This is one of the very few instrumental songs I have in my music library.  And by very few, I mean maybe 5.  I like my lyrics, ok?

2. "In My Remains" by Linkin Park
Another one of my favorite bands! I love this song.  That's all I can say.

3. "No One's Here to Sleep" by Naughty Boy ft. Bastille
I only recently discovered Bastille and then I immediately went and downloaded a whole bunch of their music.  This is on a playlist of music I listen to while I'm writing Zira's story.  I haven't even sat down and paid attention to the lyrics yet but somehow the mood and melody of the song just seems to fit.

4. "Better Than Me" by Hinder
Kind of a depressing song, but I like it.  Actually, now I think about it, a lot of the music I have is kind of depressing.

5. "Tears Don't Fall" by Bullet For My Valentine
I'm pretty selective about the metal/screaming/hardcore music I listen to--I don't like all of it but there are a few songs out there that I really love.  This is one of them.  Also the music video for this is just amazing.

6. "Kingdom Come" by The Civil Wars
I managed to pull this off of my Hunger Games soundtrack before my husband lost my CD T_T Such a good song. I love the lyrics, and these guys' voices together are just perfect for each other.

7. 
"Pieces" by Sum 41
I distinctly remember the first time I heard this song.  My prom date senior year let me pick a CD to listen to in the car and I remember being very impressed by his taste in music.  He had a bunch of Linkin Park CDs in his collection, which he graciously burned copies of for me after I raved about how much I loved them.  He also burned this Sum 41 CD for me and I loved this song as soon as I heard it.

8. "Bad Blood" by Bastille
I think these guys could easily be one of my new favorite bands.  This is on my writing music playlist, too.

9. "Rule The World" by Lorde
Did anyone else see that epic amazing trailer for Game of Thrones that had this song in it? I think it was just fan-made or something but I haven't ever been able to find it again and it was SO GOOD! If you know where it is, please send me the link.

10. "Red Hands" by Walk Off the Earth
If you guys haven't checked out this band, you need to. Mostly they do covers of other songs but they do them in a really unique way and they are just so cute.  Like, their personalities--they just seem like really genuine fun people and I respect that.  Anyways, this song immediately made me think of my characters, specifically Zira and Jared.  So of course, I added it to my writing music playlist as well.

And I think I'm going to tag Neonhyper for this one.  Anyone else is welcome to do it, too 

Today in Epic Parenting Fails...

Since Alex's mom is working harvest now and since he's basically done with his own farm stuff, I've been leaving the girls with him in the mornings while I go to school.  Yesterday I had biology, which is a two and a half hour class, so I went to school and came back and left them with him like usual.  When I got back, Lexi was just roaming around the living room in her walker, but I didn't see Piper so I asked Alex what happened to her.  He said he'd had to put her in time out for hitting, and then she had just been playing in her room and eventually fell asleep.  I thought, "Oh good! She probably needs a nap."  She's absolutely horrible when she's tired and cranky.

A few minutes later, we decided to go pick up some takeout for lunch.  I went to get Piper up to get ready to go, and she wasn't in her room.  So I went to our room, since she likes to sleep in our bed sometimes.  But she wasn't there either.  I looked all over the house, calling her name, tearing everything apart, thinking she was probably just hiding from me because she really likes to play that game, too.  It didn't take long because our house is pretty small and compact, but I could not find her anywhere.  By this point, I was starting to get a little worried, but I figured she had just gone outside to play because she likes to do that.  Alex and I went out and started looking all over the yard, calling for her, but she wasn't anywhere.

By now, I've been home for about 15-20 minutes and I haven't seen her at all. I figured she must have gone outside without telling him or something but after that? Who knows. have no idea when the last time Alex saw her was, I have no idea what she's wearing today, I have no idea what was going on that might have made her leave. My mind keeps running through all of these horrible scenarios and I start freaking out.  I mean seriously freaking out. I have never felt so powerless and just completely terrified in my life.  I can't even describe the feeling--just that it was absolutely horrible.  I started crying and screaming for her and finally gathered the wherewithal to call 911.  I just fell down on my knees in the grass and wanted to puke.  I was such a wreck I could barely even talk to the 911 operator. She asked me to describe Piper, so I did, and then she asked if she was wearing pink pants.  Alex said she was, and the operator told us that they knew where Piper was and she was safe and everything.  That was such a relief!  Apparently she rode her bike down the street a couple blocks and the neighbors saw her and stopped her, then called the police and started going house to house looking for her parents.

Obviously it was great to know she was ok, but then I started panicking because the police were involved.  
Flame and Hawk WIP by FadedDreams5
Flame and Hawk WIP
Hey look! I'm not dead and I am still working on art. It's been like...a month at least since I uploaded anything. Mostly because my laptop was dead. Anyways, this is my new project, featuring two of my favorite characters from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I just finished rewatching that and oh my gosh, so many feels! I may be drawing FMA characters for a while. 
This was also an experiment with SAI, which I just downloaded to replace Gimp since I thought I'd lost it forever. Yes, I know Gimp is free and I know I could just download the new version, but I did that before and I hate it.  Anyways, I downloaded SAI and then found out that the people at the computer store had backed up my program files too, so I still have Gimp (though I haven't tried to run it yet) but I've been wanting to try SAI for a while now.  I love it. I don't know why I never tried it before. It's seriously awesome though, as far as sketching and lineart goes.  I haven't tried any coloring or blending yet, and I don't think it has the same graphics-making capabilities as Gimp, but as far as a strictly drawing program goes, it's pretty dang impressive so far.
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I don't know what happened but I am already halfway through the semester at school.  I didn't even realize it until I was looking at my syllabus for sociology trying to figure out when my paper was due and saw that the discussion on race (which we did yesterday) was labeled "week 8" and there are only 16 weeks in the semester.  I guess it just still feels so surreal to me that I'm even in school in the first place.  I know it's been months, but it still just feels like kind of a miracle.  Finishing school is something that's always been a huge priority in my life so now that I am able to do it after all these years--I'm just really grateful for the support system I have so that I can go to school, especially for my husband for working his butt off at two different jobs to support me and the girls.

I'm glad to know I'm on the downward slope though.  I have been getting super stressed out lately about all the stuff I have to do and my biology class is frustrating me more and more.  We've been learning about cells and DNA for four weeks now and it's so complicated and I hate it.  I mean, we get to do fun stuff too (we dissected worms last week) and it helps that the professor is pretty cool and his lectures aren't terribly boring.  But science has never really been my thing and I'm just sick of it.  I have another test in two weeks and I did really well on my first one but all the stuff we've been going over for this coming test is just so complicated and I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Plus I have papers due in English and sociology that same week, and two other tests. I hate that all the big projects/tests/papers all seem to be due at the exact same time always, but I guess that's the nature of the beast.  I don't know--I just get stressed out about getting good grades because I need good grades to get scholarships.  The financial burden I'm putting on our little family right now stresses me out SO much.  I end up crying about it just about every other week because I'm a baby like that :roll:  So yeah--it's all basically connected to that in the end, whatever I'm stressing about.  I probably make it into a bigger deal than I need to, but that's just me.  I worry about things a lot.

I haven't had much time to write this week, which is disappointing because when I'm feeling stressed out, writing helps me calm down a little.  Part of that is because of my work schedule.  I went in and talked to my boss about it and she ended up giving me most of my shifts back.  Problem is, they weren't all set up how I need them to be and it ended up being a really weird, screwed-up weekend for me this week.  I had a few evenings, a few nights, and trying to find time to sleep in between that with the girls was impossible.  I honestly can't even remember much of what happened this past weekend because I was so delirious, running on 2-5 hours of sleep every day.  This weekend is going to be more of the same, but after that I should be back to normal.  The boss lady isn't making the November schedules, so hooray!  That was a stupid idea to begin with, but whatever. I just work there.

I finished that Code Name Verity book I bought and it was freaking amazing.  Seriously--if anyone is looking for something to read, read that.  I loved it.  I normally don't like historical fiction but this was really good, and I especially appreciated the strong female characters and the way the relationship between them was portrayed.   And now I am working my way through the Harry Potter books again, which is fun.  I just finished the first one.  I really should finish A Dance With Dragons, but I wanted to read something a little lighter for a change.

And on a somewhat related note, The Walking Dead premiered on Sunday! I didn't get a chance to watch it until Monday night but it was so good!  Can I just take a moment to say how much I love Carol's character?  She's awesome! I mean, yes, I have hated her sometimes.  But as a character, she's great.  The way she's developed and progressed since the beginning of the show is just incredible.  Love her.  The whole reunion between her and Daryl was adorable.  And of course, Rick and Carl and baby Judith.  It was all just so happy and joyful and amazing....which I'm pretty sure means that the rest of the season is going to be awful and depressing, but I guess that's what you get in a zombie apocalypse.  I am a little confused as to what the whole point of Terminus was, though.  Like, they made such a big deal out of it in the last half of season 4, but we were really only there for not even 2 whole episodes, so.... I don't really know what to think of that.  I get that it provided a way for everyone to get back together after the prison thing, but that's just not really good enough for me.  Not when they made such a big deal out of it.  Am I just missing something? I don't know, I guess we'll see.

*sigh* well, I guess I should stop wasting time and go get some homework done.

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FadedDreams5
T. A. Hernandez
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Just a 22-year-old artist/writer living in the middle of nowhere with my husband, our daughter, and a doberman. I love comments, feedback, chatting, and meeting other artists/writers, so drop me a not anytime! :)
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:iconsabinoir:
SabiNoir Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014
Thanks for the fav! Meow :3 
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:iconarkiniano:
Arkiniano Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014
Nice gallery! and thanks a lot for all the support ;)
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:iconsexy-kitten1989:
sexy-kitten1989 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy 4th of July ! ^_^
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:iconfadeddreams5:
FadedDreams5 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks! you too
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:iconsexy-kitten1989:
sexy-kitten1989 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i am writing a book about an elven archer but when reading over chapter one i feel like i have failed somehow cause there is not a whole lot of action in chapter one chapter one just lets you get a feel for the kind of person he is and his life aside from one fight that's all the action in chapter one is is ok that there is not a lot of action or should i try to put more in
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